Building Resilience in Anxious Children – Small Shifts, Big Impact
What Does Resilience Really Mean?
Resilience is often misunderstood as “being tough” or “bouncing back” quickly. But for children—especially those prone to anxiety—resilience is more about learning how to manage uncomfortable feelings, recover from setbacks, and feel confident enough to try again after something feels hard.
At The Tunbridge Wells Psychologist, we work with many children who are bright, sensitive, and thoughtful, but easily overwhelmed by uncertainty, mistakes, or change. This blog explores how you can support your anxious child to build resilience that lasts.
What Anxiety Can Look Like in Children
Children with anxiety may not say, “I’m worried.” Instead, they might:
Avoid new or challenging tasks
Struggle with school drop-offs or sleepovers
Need constant reassurance (“Will I be okay?”)
Become distressed by changes to routine
Freeze, cry, or get angry in the face of pressure
Say negative things about themselves (“I can’t do it,” “I’m rubbish”)
Worry a lot about getting things wrong or upsetting people
These behaviours are often protective and children are trying to avoid discomfort or failure. But over time, avoidance can shrink their world and make anxiety stronger.
Why Resilience Is Hard for Anxious Kids
Resilience depends on being able to tolerate discomfort without becoming overwhelmed. For anxious children, their fight-or-flight response is activated more easily. Everyday tasks can feel risky or too much. Even minor mistakes can trigger huge emotional reactions.
They might have a sensitive temperament, a perfectionistic streak, or past experiences (such as illness, bullying, or separation) that have shaken their sense of safety.
Resilience isn’t something we can force - it’s something we support, build, and model over time.
How Therapy Can Help
At The Tunbridge Wells Psychologist, we use a range of therapies including CBT, Compassion-Focused Therapy, and play-based strategies to help children build emotional resilience.
In therapy, we support children to:
Understand what anxiety is and why it shows up
Learn tools for calming their body and brain
Face fears in manageable steps (rather than avoiding them)
Shift negative self-talk into more supportive inner language
Develop flexible thinking and problem-solving skills
Rebuild confidence after setbacks
We also work closely with parents to support resilience-building at home.
Practical Ways to Build Resilience at Home
1. Name the feelings, not just the behaviour
Help your child understand their emotional experience. Instead of “Don’t cry,” try:
“It looks like you’re feeling really frustrated. That’s okay. Let’s take a breath.”
2. Normalize anxiety and discomfort
Let them know it’s okay to feel nervous, scared, or upset, and that those feelings don’t have to stop them from trying.
3. Model problem-solving and repair
Let them see how you deal with challenges and mistakes.
“I forgot something important today. I felt cross with myself, but I made a plan for next time.”
4. Encourage trying over succeeding
Praise effort, courage, and persistence more than outcomes.
“You were nervous to go in, but you gave it a go, how brave was that?”
5. Avoid over-reassurance
Instead of repeatedly saying “You’ll be fine,” help them build tolerance for uncertainty.
“You might feel nervous—and I believe you can handle that feeling.”
6. Introduce manageable challenges
Help them stretch their comfort zone gently one step at a time. Celebrate small wins to build their confidence.
When to Seek Support
If your child avoids many activities, feels constantly anxious, or has low confidence that’s affecting everyday life, therapy can help. Our Clinical Psychologists at The Tunbridge Wells Psychologist offer warm, child-friendly therapy for children who struggle with anxiety, perfectionism, or emotional sensitivity. We help them build the tools to manage big feelings and feel more confident in their own skin.
Resilience isn’t about being fearless—it’s about learning that we can feel afraid and keep going. And with the right support, your child can learn to do just that.
