An Introduction to Compassion Focused Therapy

Many people come to therapy saying they feel harsh with themselves, constantly self-critical, or stuck in cycles of shame. While other people may see them as capable and kind, their own inner voice can feel relentless. Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT) is a powerful approach that helps to quieten that critic and build a kinder, more balanced relationship with yourself. If you’ve been wondering what compassion focused therapy involves and whether it could help, this post offers an introduction.

What is Compassion Focused Therapy?

Compassion Focused Therapy was developed in the UK by Professor Paul Gilbert. It combines ideas from psychology, neuroscience, and mindfulness to support people who experience high levels of self-criticism or shame. At the heart of CFT is the idea that our brains have three key emotion systems: the threat system (linked to fear and self-criticism), the drive system (linked to achievement and striving), and the soothing system (linked to calm and care). For many people struggling with their mental health, the threat system is on overdrive, and the soothing system feels under-developed. CFT helps strengthen that soothing system, so you can feel safer and more supported internally.

Why Self-Compassion Matters

It is easy to believe that self-criticism will make us perform better or avoid mistakes. In reality, research shows that excessive self-criticism increases anxiety and depression, and makes it harder to recover from setbacks. By contrast, self-compassion gives us the emotional resilience to try, fail, and learn without collapsing into shame. CFT is especially relevant if you often feel “never good enough”, experience perfectionism, or find it difficult to accept kindness from others. Therapy provides a safe space to explore these feelings and practise treating yourself with the same understanding you might naturally show to someone you love.

How Does Compassion Focused Therapy Work?

In therapy sessions, your psychologist or therapist will help you understand how your patterns of shame and self-criticism developed, often rooted in early life experiences. Together, you will practise “compassionate mind training”, which may include:

• Breathing exercises that help settle the body and signal safety.
• Imagery practices, such as imagining a compassionate figure who can offer warmth and reassurance.
• Compassionate letter writing to yourself, reframing harsh self-talk into supportive words.
• Behavioural experiments such as small acts of kindness towards yourself in daily life.

These practices help your brain and body experience what it feels like to be cared for, both by others and by yourself. Over time, people often report feeling less dominated by the inner critic and more able to meet life’s challenges with balance and courage.

Who Can Benefit From CFT?

CFT is often helpful for people who live with anxiety, depression, trauma, eating difficulties, or perfectionism. It can also be particularly useful if you recognise that shame or self-criticism play a big part in your struggles. Sometimes people choose compassion focused therapy when they notice that other approaches, like purely cognitive or problem-solving therapies, don’t fully address their self-critical inner voice. CFT can be used on its own or integrated with other evidence-based approaches such as CBT or ACT, depending on your needs.

Simple Practices You Can Try Now

You don’t need to wait until therapy begins to start building a more compassionate mindset. Here are a few simple practices you can explore:

• Place a hand gently on your chest or shoulder as a small reminder of warmth and safety.
• Take slow, steady breaths, focusing on an exhale that is slightly longer than your inhale.
• Write down one thing each day that you appreciate about yourself, however small.
• When your inner critic appears, pause and ask: “Would I speak this way to someone I care about?”

While these are small steps, they begin to shift the balance between harshness and kindness inside.

Final Thoughts

Living with constant self-criticism or shame is exhausting, and often people believe they just have to “try harder” to silence it. Compassion Focused Therapy shows that there is another way: learning to approach yourself with warmth, patience, and care. This is not about being indulgent or avoiding responsibility, but about creating the emotional safety you need to grow and thrive. If you are looking for face-to-face therapy (in Tunbridge Wells, Tonbridge or other areas within Kent) or online, and recognise yourself in these patterns, CFT may be a supportive option to explore. Reaching out for help can feel daunting, but it can also be the first step towards a more balanced and compassionate life.