ADHD in Girls – The Signs You Might Miss
Why ADHD Often Looks Different in Girls
When we think of ADHD, we often imagine a child bouncing off the walls, constantly interrupting, or getting into trouble at school. But that picture doesn’t always fit—especially for girls.
Girls with ADHD are frequently overlooked or misdiagnosed. Many don’t receive support until their teens or even adulthood, by which point anxiety, low self-esteem, or burnout may have set in.
At The Tunbridge Wells Psychologist, we work with many girls who’ve flown under the radar—quiet, bright, and well-behaved on the outside, but struggling silently to stay afloat. This blog explores how ADHD shows up in girls, what signs to look for, and how therapy can help.
The Overlooked Profile
Girls are more likely than boys to present with the inattentive subtype of ADHD. Instead of being disruptive or hyperactive, they may appear dreamy, distracted, anxious, or disorganised.
Common signs of ADHD in girls include:
Struggling to focus or follow through on tasks
Often losing or forgetting things (shoes, homework, messages)
Trouble starting tasks, even when they want to
Being labelled as “daydreamy,” “disorganised,” or “sensitive”
Strong emotional reactions to minor problems
Talking a lot—but often going off topic or losing their train of thought
Becoming overwhelmed in busy or noisy environments
Masking their difficulties by overcompensating (working late into the night, checking everything multiple times)
Because many of these behaviours are internal or socially acceptable, they often go unnoticed.
Masking and the Pressure to "Be Good"
Many girls with ADHD are expert maskers. They try hard to meet expectations, often becoming people-pleasers or perfectionists to hide how difficult things feel internally.
You might hear things like:
“She does well in school—she can’t have ADHD.”
“She’s just shy.”
“She’s so sensitive and emotional.”
But at home, parents often see a different picture: meltdowns after school, intense emotions, or constant procrastination.
Over time, masking can lead to:
Low self-esteem (“Why is everything so hard for me?”)
Anxiety or obsessive-compulsive traits
Exhaustion or burnout
Feeling like they’re failing despite trying very hard
How Therapy Can Help
At our Tunbridge Wells clinic, we offer therapy for girls and young women who are struggling with emotional regulation, anxiety, perfectionism, and identity—all of which are common in undiagnosed or late-diagnosed ADHD.
While we don’t provide diagnostic assessments, we support girls in managing ADHD-related challenges with evidence-based approaches, including CBT, ACT, and Compassion-Focused Therapy.
Therapy helps girls to:
Understand how their brain works
Build emotional regulation and reduce overwhelm
Develop self-compassion and challenge negative self-talk
Strengthen executive functioning skills (e.g. planning, focus, time management)
Explore identity and build confidence in who they are
Make sense of friendship struggles or school anxiety
Sessions are flexible, creative, and tailored to each girl’s age and personality.
What Parents Can Do
If you suspect your daughter might have ADHD or is struggling with similar challenges you don’t have to wait for a diagnosis to start supporting her.
Here are some helpful approaches:
1. Validate her struggles. Instead of “Just focus,” try:
“I can see you’re trying - it’s okay to find this hard.”
2. Break tasks into steps. Use visuals, timers, or reminders that reduce pressure.
3. Support emotional regulation. Help her notice and name feelings before they explode.
4. Avoid labels like “lazy” or “dramatic.” These can reinforce shame. ADHD is not a character flaw.
5. Seek professional support. Whether or not you pursue a diagnosis, therapy can help her develop tools and confidence.
Support for Girls in Tunbridge Wells and Kent
At The Tunbridge Wells Psychologist, our Clinical Psychologists support girls who are navigating ADHD traits, emotional sensitivity, school anxiety, or perfectionism. We offer therapy that’s tailored to how girls experience and express distress - building resilience, self-worth, and practical tools for daily life.
If your daughter is struggling, we’re here to help her feel understood, supported, and more like herself again.
