Grief Is Not Linear: Understanding Loss and Finding Support

What Is Grief and Why Is It So Complex?

Whether you've lost a loved one, experienced a miscarriage, endured the end of a relationship, or faced another kind of significant change, grief can touch every part of your life. It's not just about sadness—it can include shock, anger, guilt, numbness, anxiety, and even relief. And it doesn't follow a tidy timeline.

In our work as Clinical Psychologists at the Tunbridge Wells Psychologist we meet many individuals and families who are navigating grief while still trying to meet the demands of everyday life. Often, they’re unsure whether their reactions are “normal” or whether it’s okay to still be struggling months—or even years—later.

What Does Grief Feel Like?

Grief is intensely personal. For some, it may feel like a wave that crashes over them when they least expect it. For others, it’s a quiet numbness or a feeling of disconnection from the world. There may be trouble sleeping, changes in appetite, difficulty concentrating, or physical symptoms like chest tightness or fatigue.

Some people feel pressure to “move on” or “stay strong,” especially if they are parents or carers. But grief doesn’t have a deadline, and trying to rush it can leave emotional wounds unattended.

Why Grief Happens the Way It Does

Grief is a natural response to loss. It reflects our attachment and love for what we’ve lost. Our brains are wired to seek safety and predictability—when we lose someone or something important, it can shake our sense of stability and identity.

Past trauma, cultural expectations, or unresolved relationships can make grief even more complicated. Sometimes grief is delayed or reactivated years later by a seemingly unrelated event.

How Therapy Can Help

While nothing can remove the pain of loss, therapy can offer a space to process and make sense of it. A Clinical Psychologist can help you explore your grief in a way that feels safe, respectful, and compassionate.

Here are a few therapeutic approaches that can support people through grief:

• CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy): Helps you understand how thoughts, feelings, and behaviours interact during grief, and can support you in finding ways to cope day to day.

• CFT (Compassion-Focused Therapy): Especially helpful if you're experiencing guilt or self-criticism, CFT encourages self-kindness and emotional healing.

• ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy): Supports you in accepting painful emotions while reconnecting with what matters most in your life, helping you move forward in a way that honours your loss.

• EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing): Useful for people whose grief is complicated by trauma or painful memories that feel stuck or overwhelming.

Therapy doesn’t force you to “let go” or “move on”—instead, it supports you in carrying your grief differently, allowing you to feel more grounded and able to engage with life again.

You’re Allowed to Seek Support

It can be common to ‘push through’ grief, to appear “fine” on the outside while struggling privately. But you don’t have to go through it alone. Whether you're dealing with a recent loss or something long past that still affects you, your experience matters.

At The Tunbridge Wells Psychologist we offer sensitive, professional mental health support for grief and bereavement.