Helping Your Primary Aged Child Manage Emotional Overwhelm
Big Feelings in Small Bodies
Young children feel things deeply. Whether it’s excitement, frustration, worry, or sadness, their emotional world can be intense—and sometimes unpredictable. As a parent, it can be hard to know how to respond when your child is overwhelmed by a seemingly small problem, or when tears and tantrums come out of nowhere.
At The Tunbridge Wells Psychologist, we often work with parents and children who are struggling with emotional regulation. This blog explores why emotional overwhelm happens, what it might look like, and how you can support your child to build calm and resilience.
What Emotional Overwhelm Looks Like in Children
Every child is different, but signs of emotional dysregulation in younger children may include:
Meltdowns over small transitions or changes
Tearfulness or irritability that seems out of proportion
“Overreacting” to things like losing a game or spilling something
Difficulty calming down once upset
Avoiding situations that feel emotionally demanding (e.g. school, social events)
Complaints of tummy aches or “feeling funny” when emotions are high
Seeming anxious or highly sensitive to tone, facial expressions, or minor criticism
These reactions aren’t signs of bad behaviour—they’re signals that your child’s nervous system is overwhelmed.
Why Younger Children Struggle to Regulate Emotions
Emotional regulation is a skill that develops gradually through childhood—and under-10s are still learning. In fact, the part of the brain responsible for impulse control and emotional processing (the prefrontal cortex) is still under construction.
Children often don’t have the language or cognitive capacity to understand or explain what they’re feeling. They rely on adults to help co-regulate—so when their feelings are too big, they act them out instead.
Factors that make overwhelm more likely:
Being tired, hungry, or overstimulated
Changes in routine or environment
Anxiety or sensory sensitivity
Big life events (moving house, new sibling, school transitions)
Feeling unsafe or misunderstood
What Therapy Can Offer
At our Tunbridge Wells clinic, we support children (and their parents) to understand and manage emotional overwhelm. Therapy is playful, creative, and grounded in evidence-based approaches.
We help children to:
Recognise and name their feelings
Understand what their body is telling them (e.g. tight tummy = worry)
Learn coping tools to feel calmer and more in control
Develop emotional language and self-awareness
Practise calming strategies through games, stories, and play
We also work closely with parents, offering practical tools and insight to reduce family stress and build emotional resilience at home.
What You Can Do at Home
Here are some helpful ways to support your child when their emotions feel too big:
1. Co-regulate first, teach later.
When your child is in meltdown mode, they can’t access logic. Stay close, stay calm, and save the problem-solving for when they’re settled.
Try: “You’re having such big feelings right now. I’m here. Let’s take some breaths together.”
2. Name the feeling.
Help them build emotional vocabulary. Saying “I think you’re feeling really frustrated” gives them words and validation.
3. Use visual tools.
Charts, stories, or a “feelings thermometer” can help children recognise emotional states before they escalate.
4. Practise calming strategies when calm.
Deep breathing, sensory play, movement, or mindfulness activities work best when rehearsed during quiet times—not only in crisis.
5. Reflect after the storm.
Once they’re regulated, gently explore what happened:
“That was a tricky moment. What do you think your feelings were trying to tell you?”
6. Support—not punish—emotional outbursts.
Consequences don’t teach emotional skills. Calm, connected responses help children feel safe enough to learn new ways of coping.
When to Seek Support
If your child frequently becomes overwhelmed and it’s impacting their relationships, learning, or family life, therapy may help. You don’t need a diagnosis or crisis—many families seek support simply because they want to understand their child better and improve emotional balance at home.
Therapy for Children in Tunbridge Wells and Kent
At The Tunbridge Wells Psychologist, our Clinical Psychologists provide warm, child-led therapy for children experiencing emotional overwhelm, anxiety, or behavioural challenges. We also offer support for parents who want tools, guidance, and reassurance.
